The 3-Book Series : Ending the Pattern – From Awareness to Alignment
by Julia Shantal
Style & Visibility Expert · Emotional Blueprint Teacher · Author
For over 16 years, I have navigated the intersection of image and identity with thousands of women globally. My expertise wasn’t built on social media; it was forged in boardrooms, training rooms, and luxury beauty consultations. I have worked with corporate leaders, entrepreneurs, and women navigating the complexities of marriage and divorce, guiding them through a specific process of identity recalibration.
My work began offline. I spent a decade observing a consistent psychological truth: When a woman shifts her self-concept, her external reality adjusts to match it.
This isn’t about “tricks” or “hacks.” It is about visible standards.
I have witnessed women transition from being emotionally neglected and financially over-extended to becoming prioritized, respected, and structurally included in their relationships.
Style is merely the entry point. The real work is the identity shift.
This professional observation became the foundation of The Identity Reset Bundle, a structured framework designed to dismantle self-sabotaging patterns:
- Don’t Date Avoidants
- Why You Attract Emotionally Unavailable People
- The End of Self-Abandonment
- Provider Energy vs. Commitment
These volumes are not merely dating advice. They are a methodology for changing your relationship dynamics by first changing your internal baseline.
If you are ready for a precise, personal application of these principles, we start with a RESET Consultation.
Each book is explained below. You can read them individually – or experience the full transformation through the 3-book bundle.
After reading my System, You Will:
Reclaim Your Timeline: Save 2 to 5 years of emotional labor by instantly identifying dead-end patterns before they drain your life.
Protect Your Assets: End the “Hidden Tax” of supporting or subsidizing unstable men. This is economic preservation for your future.
Identify True Provision: Stop mistaking aggressive dominance for real safety. You will learn to recognize and attract Provider Energy exclusively.
Stabilize Your Nervous System: End the cycle of “spiraling” when a man pulls back. You will move from heart-racing anxiety to a grounded, unshakable self-concept.
Get the 3-book Bundle here:
DON’T DATE AVOIDANTS
(UNTIL YOU’RE HEALED)
by Julia Shantal
Style & Visibility Expert · Emotional Blueprint Teacher · Author
You didn’t attract avoidant men because you’re unlovable.
You attracted them because you were emotionally starved.
If you grew up:
- over-performing
- shrinking
- people-pleasing
- being the “strong one”
or begging for emotional crumbs…
Your nervous system was trained to call anxiety chemistry and abandonment passion.
Avoidant men weren’t your mistake.
They were your mirror.
And now?
It’s time to break the pattern for good.
What Readers are Saying
Real messages from women who recognised themselves in this book.
Shared with permission. Names shortened for privacy.
“I used to chase, explain, overgive, and adapt myself to his lack of effort and inconsistency.
I was getting nowhere — only frustration, disappointment, and loneliness. I came from a place of low self-esteem where his constant rejection made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.
The breadcrumbs kept me hooked until I realised he was the one not good enough for me.
I stopped chasing, went silent, treated no-contact like a detox from the dopamine hit. I blocked and deleted him.
My life keeps getting better. My confidence is growing. I finally understand my patterns.”
— Sandra
“I finally understand my own patterns – and the men I’ve dated.” – Christina
“I just wanted to say that I am starting your book and i cannot believe how not only beautifully that it’s written, but how much it speaks to me in what I’m going through…. and I’m so grateful that i came across your page.” – Michelle
“I read the book and it is awesome.” – Sunny
These women didn’t change men. They changed what they were willing to tolerate.
This book shows you why you stayed – and how to stop repeating it:
- why you keep attracting avoidant partners
- how emotional famine shapes your dating pattterns
- why intensity feels like love (but actually isn’t)
- How to stop choosing emotionally unavailable men
- how to build self-worth so you attract secure partners
- how to finally choose love that chooses you back.
Don’t Date Avoidants – The Book that Changes Everything NOW AVAILABLE
For the woman who finally woke up and said:
“I deserve emotional safety — not emotional starvation.”
This book is for you if:
- you keep attracting avoidant, inconsistent men
- you feel anxious, confused or “not enough” in relationships
- you’re healing from emotional neglect or intensity – based love
- you want to break trauma-bonding and choose healthy love
- you’re done with heartache and ready for self-worth
Inside the book, you’ll learn:
- why you keep attracting avoidant partners
- how emotional famine shapes your dating pattterns
- why intensity feels like love (but actually isn’t)
- How to stop choosing emotionally unavailable men
- how to build self-worth so you attract secure partners
- how to finally choose love that chooses you back.
Why do I Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable People?
If you’ve ever wondered why you keep ending up in the same emotional dynamic – where you care deeply, wait longer, explain more… and still feel unseen or emotionally alone –
this is not a coincidence.
It’s a pattern.
Not because something is wrong with you, but because certain protection strategies were learnt early – and now quietly shape who you’re drawn to.
This isn’t about blame.
And it’s not about fixing yourself.
It’s about recognising the pattern – so you can finally step out of it.
Start here:
1. Read the book – Why do I keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable People?
This book explains why emotional unavailability feels familiar, how self-protection turns into self-abandonment, and why you stayed – even when intimacy was missing.
This is not about blame. And it’s not about fixing yourself. It’s about understanding the pattern so you can finally step out of it.
Optional:
Take the Emotional Pattern Quiz. A short self-reflection to help you notice how you respond to closeness, distance and emotional availability.
Are you the One Pulling Away?
This book is about rebuilding self-worth, nervous system stability, and life direction after emotional depletion.
Not about dating – about identity.
The End of Self-Abandonment is a psychological and emotional reckoning for women who are exhausted from carrying life alone.
It explores how self-worth, self-concept, and nervous system conditioning shape the relationships we choose, the roles we accept, and the lives we repeat — often without realising it.
This book is for women who are not broken, but burnt out from being the strong one.
This book is for you if:
- You are capable, intelligent, and emotionally aware — yet still feel unseen or unmet
- You’ve been the “mature one,” the understanding one, the one who adapts
- You attract emotional distance, inconsistency, or partners who cannot meet you
- Rest feels uncomfortable. Receiving feels unsafe. Asking feels heavy
- You sense a pattern — but don’t know how to step out of it
This book does not teach you how to attract love.
It helps you understand why love has felt like effort, and what shifts when you stop abandoning yourself to keep life running.
The Complete Healing Journey
Get all 3 books (Special Bundle deal):
The End of Self-Abandonment
Knowing the pattern is not enough.
Book 4 shows you how to stop choosing avoidant-provider men and start being met by real, secure energy.
→ Enter Book 4
Most people try to fix their results without fixing their blueprint. If you are tired of the emotional leak and the cycle of overfunctioning, you don’t need more ‘advice’—you need a recalibration.
This is the map from Chaos to Sovereignty.
Click here to secure your 1:1 Diagnostic.
RESET 1:1 Transformation Consultation
A private 60-minute structural recalibration for high-functioning women who are successful everywhere – except in love.
This is not therapy. This is not venting. This is not mindset talk. This is a pattern interruption.
You come to RESET when:
– You keep attracting men who are “almost ready”
– You give more than you receive and call it maturity
– Calm feels boring, chaos feels magnetic
– You invest time, money, and emotional labour before commitment
– you suspect the problem isn’t “them”…it’s your positioning
Because intelligence does not protect you from repetition.
Structure does.
In 60 minutes, we audit:
– The exact relational pattern running your dating life.
– where you over-function (financially, emotionally, logistically)
– where you consciously fund men
– how your nervous system confuses instability with chemistry
– The structural gaps in your screening process
– What type of men your current positioning attracts
You will leave with:
– A clear pattern diagnosis
– A new screening structure
– Non-negotiable boundary frameworks
– A recalibrated provider filter
– A positioning shift that changes who approaches you
What changes after RESET
Women who do this session often:
– stop chasing
– stop lending money or emotional labour
– leave dead-end relationships
– become calmer, clearer and more selective
– and suddenly start being pursued differently
Not because men changed – but because their positioning did.
This session is for you if:
You are tired of :
– mixed signals
– breadcrumb love
– hot-cold dynamics
– waiting for men to become ready
– being the woman who gives everything and gets very little
And you’re ready to stop losing: time, money, and diginity to relationships that cannot grow.
RESET is the first step into becoming a woman who is no longer emotionally or financially available to the wrong men.
What women experience through this work
The experiences shared below come from women who have worked with me across different stages of their journey – through my books, workshops, private 1:1 sessions and advisory work over the years.
Results vary because each woman begins from a different place – but the patter of internal shift remains consistent.
“Working with Julia helped me rethink how i present myself – not just online, but in life. I’m clearer, more confident, and finally aligned with where i’m going.” Mabel
“This work met me exactly where i was. It wasn’t about fixing myself – it helped me understand why i was stuck and how to move forward without forcing change.” Mrs Lim
“I learned how to stop second-guessing myself and start responding differently – in my business, my decisions, and how i show up every day.” Anna
“Julia doesn’t rush you or push you a formula. She listens deeply, asks the right questions, and guides you in a way that feels safe, grounded and honest.” Wati
“After applying Julia’s guidance, i gained clarity on my direction and saw real progress – increased engagement, stronger presence, and better results overall.” Shana
“This wasn’t a short-term boost. The shifts stayed with me. I now move with more self-trust, confidence and purpose.” Serene
“Julia’s work goes beyond strategy. It changed how i see myself, how i make decisions, and how i step into the next phase of my life.” Grace
RESET 1:1 Transformation Session
This is the work behind the women you see changing their lives.
RESET is a private 1:1 diagnostic for women who are done:
– chasing men who don’t choose them
– funding relationships that go nowhere
– feeilng emotionally invisible
– and losing years inside the same pattern
This session gives you clarity. Real change comes from what you do with that clarity.
Apply for a RESET 1:1 :
Youtube Membership
A calm space to think clearly again
This membership is for women who feel mentally tired. You think a lot. You reflect a lot. You’ve tried to understand yourself. But you still feel confused. Not emotional. Just tired in your head. This space is for that.
What this membership is
This is not therapy.
This is not motivation.
This is not emotional dumping.
This is a quiet, private space where i help you:
– slow down your thoughts
– feel steady instead of scattered
– understand what’s happening without panic
– stop going in circles in your head
I explain things in simple, clear language so you can think properly again.
What you get:
– 1 members-only video every week
– Topics like:
– why you stil feel lost even after trying so hard
– how to calm yourself without forcing
– why you keep giving too much
– how to tell anxiety from real calm
– A private comment space (i answer selected questions clearly)
I don’t do private counselling inside the membership or give urgent advice. I explain things clearly so you can understand yourself better.
If you need personal clarity/support, please book 1:1 RESET with me as above.
This membership is for you if:
– your mind never feels quiet
– you overthink even when nothing is wrong
– you’re tired of advice but still want clarity.
– you want to feel steady again
How to Join – Click here for YOUTUBE Membership.
The Transformation Program
A full identity rebirth — style, mindset, and emotional blueprint.
This program is for the woman who is ready to rise into the version of herself she always knew was inside:
the woman with style
the woman with self-worth
the woman who chooses stable love
the woman who is unforgettable
the woman with presence
the woman who knows her value
the woman who STOPPED chasing avoidants
Inside this program, you’ll learn my signature RESET-to-REBIRTH system:
Emotional Blueprint Healing
Feminine Presence & Magnetic Energy
Style Resurrection™
Self-Worth Rewiring
Visibility & Queen Identity
This is NOT a styling program.
This is NOT a dating program.
This is an identity transformation.
📌 Applications open to RESET clients only.
Why I Created This Movement
For more of my life, I was emotionally starving.
Not because I was weak.
Not because I didn’t try.
But because I kept choosing men who couldn’t choose me.
I was:
- married to the wrong man
- carrying financial stress that wasn’t mine
- attracting avoidant men
- shrinking myself to be kept
- chasing intensity instead of safety
- confusing loyalty with love
From the outside, I looked strong.
On the inside, I was bleeding years, money, and dignity into men who never built a future with me.
And here’s the hardest truth:
High functioning women don’t get used because they’re naive. They get used because they over-give.
I know – because I was one.
And it begins here.
If you want my full story and credentials, you can read more here:
About Julia Shantal
Style | Reinvention | Seoul Aesthetic Concierge. Over 30000 women trained internationally. 